You know that feeling, a girl maybe your schoolmate or neighbor you used to play with and probably even fight with now and then… one day she suddenly becomes the most beautiful thing you ever saw.
Well, it’s the stuff love songs are made of.
Remember the hit 1976 song by British band Smokie “Living next door to Alice”? The chorus went
“Twenty four years just waiting for a chance, to tell her how I feel and maybe get a second glance. Now I gotta get used to not living next door to Alice”
Here is a story my friend Gary told me and why I believe being honest pays off:
“My dad just got a new job and so we moved to a new state and neighborhood closer to his work. I was 8 years old at the time.
Susan happened to live just across the street from us at the new place and we also attended the same school. It was inevitable that we became playmates. I had no siblings so it was always school, home, lunch, homework then playtime with Susan.
Fast forward 4 years and the feelings came at me from nowhere. One day we were friends the next I was practically dreaming about her and always wanted to be around her. However, I could not explain how I felt for fear of being teased or called mushy. I had a feeling she liked me too but I was too scared to speak up. More years went by and it was time for college.
The day Susan left was so painful for me but it would only get worse as I was in for a bad surprise. During the summer break, Susan came home but she was not alone. She brought along her new boyfriend Dave. I was devastated.
Dave stayed for lunch and dinner that day but the minute he left I walked up to Susan’s house, rang the bell and blurted out to her to the amusement of her mum and kid brother that I had been in love with her for many years now. Guess what?
She asked me “What took you so long?” We have been married for over 15 years now.”
You have these feelings inside but you can’t seem to get them out because every time you see her your knees get weak and you are unable to put a full sentence together. You feel like you are dying inside every time she walks past you without so much as a glance. Don’t worry you are not alone.
So how do you get the confidence to speak up?
1. Be yourself: Please guys this cannot be over emphasized and has got to be the Golden Rule of male/female relationships. Trying to sound, walk or speak like someone you are not makes you look juvenile and annoying. That would certainly not win you any favors from the ladies/girls. Am not saying if you have some poor personality traits you shouldn’t try to change but am sure you get the picture.
2. Do not fear rejection: Just like my story above, Gary was scared for years to express his feelings because he was sure Susan would reject him. But guess what? She did not! Even if she had, at least he would have had closure and been able to put the incident behind. The thought of saying “what if” for the rest of his life pushed him to finally make the move and you should too.
Let’s face it anyway, it’s not like you are going to be beheaded Game of Thrones style for speaking your heart to the girl!
3. Find out a bit about her interests: The operative word here being “a bit”. Am not saying follow her about town stalker style, but am sure a friend or two should be able to tell you what her hobbies are. Does she like to read, sew, swim or even cook? Freshen your knowledge about any of her interests and you would have plenty to discuss and keep her interested. It also helps to make her feel important.
4. Be romantic: Remember dates that are special to her. Birthdays and other events should not be forgotten. Gifts don’t have to be expensive but should show you care.
5. Looks are important too: We can’t do much about the genes we are born with but what about the basic things like clean hair and nails? Bad breath is a no-no and could cost you dearly. You can bet you would not get a second chance.
Take a second look in the mirror before you step out even when you know you would not run into her that day.
Take up an exercise and if possible try to practice where she is likely to bump into you in action (yeah I know this sounds cheesy but what’s a man to do?). Ever wondered why the soccer and basketball team guys always got the girls back in high school, well now you know and you can thank me later.
6. Try to get along with her friends: Maybe not always possible but don’t think for a minute they don’t matter. They could go a long way to make or break your young love especially in the early days of the relationship.
7. Do not be vague: I could write a whole book on this. What do you want from her? Say it. Do not dawdle. However, don’t go the line of marriage at the second date or even third date. Get my drift? Do you want just a friend, a girlfriend or a wife?
8. Show you want her heart not just her body: Physical contact is a very touchy subject for male and female alike. Keep your hands to yourself until you are both ready to move forward.
So, would you want to spend the rest of your life wondering what could have been or will you take the risk and make a move on the girl? Gary in my story made his move but the choice, my friends, is completely yours.